Being Seen
Here I am writing my first blog about leadership and how we show up on this journey. And, It is a journey I believe. We don’t actually get there and brush ourselves off and say, “whew! I finally did it!” So, what do I know about this journey? And who am I to be telling you about it?
We could start with the research … we know all the characteristics that are highly correlated to leadership effectiveness. Things like being visionary, being collaborative, getting results. But I prefer to tell a story … about my journey so far.
One of my core values is competency and success. Well right off the bat underneath those core values is a big hairy fear of not being enough; not enough expertise, not confident enough, not enough of an extrovert, too much introvert … the list goes on but I’ll spare you that list. I want to tell you the story of someone incredible I met along the way. He walked into my life out of the blue in a meditation group. We were both volunteering our service in the part of the organization that focused on designing programs, talks, and courses for the group. He was older than me and his years of experience and wisdom belied the deep inner work he had done in his life. Initially, I felt intimated a bit by him but at the same time I was drawn to wanting to work alongside him and learn from him. Right off the bat he saw something in me that I hadn’t seen in myself. He invited me to step into places that had really scared me and that I had worked hard to keep under wraps. He saw though my trying so hard to get it right, to stand out and be noticed, to do it right. I remember especially one summer when we worked together almost every day for several weeks. One evening sitting outside on the lawn enjoying the warm breeze I started telling him about my latest frustration. He looked at me with so much empathy and just made a joke about the tenacity of the ego. I was a bit taken aback but at the same time felt the poignancy of the arrow … but this arrow had been soaked in a balm of sweet nectar. I felt the truth of that arrow and allowed it to take me deeper into the truth of who I am.
For several years, I had many other such opportunities to look in the mirror he held up for me with both humor and seriousness. Over time I was able to embrace both my fears of not being enough and at the same time shining that light into the ways in which I am completely enough. Of course, it’s a journey like I said and I’m still at it.
Don’t you feel as leaders that’s what we do? We see things in people that they don’t see in themselves. Little by little we hold up the mirror and shine the light of truth for them to see. We have the opportunity to walk beside them with both empathy and truth and coax them out to see for themselves the ways in which their fears hold them back, or their desires get them tangled up and confused. We’ve had those experiences and growth processes that have fueled our own determination and helped us grow empathy for others. Isn’t that what we mean by development of our people? It’s the process of alchemy. What are the ingredients that you mix into your potion to create the alchemy of leadership?