How are you today?
I’ve been thinking about those times, first thing in the morning, when you pass someone in the office and you hear that often asked, “how are you doing today?”. Or when we gather on zoom and there’s that opening exercise to “get present” when we do the go around responding to the question meant to connect us to being present. You likely know what I’m talking about, right? Now I place a high value on honesty and integrity but I have to admit, I can fudge a little on that one. My response has been, “doing great” when inside my response is “not so much!” And during those opening exercises I have witnessed myself saying things like, “eager anticipation to connect with all of you” or “my internal weather is cloudy with clearing on the horizon!”
It reminds me of a time in my life when I was going through a pretty rough patch. For months when asked how I was doing it was easy to go into the details of what was really going on in my life. What I noticed over time was the more I told that story the more present it was … it was not only reflecting my current experience but it was also creating my future reality as well. At one point that phrase, “fake it until you make it” popped into my head and I realized that indeed that was the strategy begging me to shift my perspective. I was deeply stuck in a mind trap that I desperately needed to extract myself from. I was reminded of Ghandi’s quote about our thoughts becoming our words, our words becoming our actions, our actions becoming our habits and our habits becoming our destiny. That’s what was happening to me! My thoughts were cascading into a reality that was casting my destiny … bringing it to life. The destiny being shaped was not a happy future, not the one I wanted to live. I knew I had to shift my thoughts.
Creating a different destiny meant telling a different story about my present. It felt like stepping on my values of honesty and integrity. The honesty of my present situation was so challenging that I didn’t feel fine, great, things are terrific! So, I had to find a response that I could offer that was honest. It was honest that I was showing up at work, that I was on time and providing love and care for my daughter. I had a home, food on the table and things that indeed made me happy. I had to create an image of a future starting now that I could grow into. It was a stretch but in response to those questions I found a way to believe that “I’m doing well thank you,” or “I’m glad to be here today,” “better every day.” I could feel my inner state shift. I did feel grounded in the presence of my pain and had the awareness that I was getting through this and I was feeling stronger. I began to experience the solidness of my own being.
The surprising thing about this shift in perspective is that not only do I respond differently to the question now but I find myself asking the question differently as well. Listening differently to the answer of the other. I realize that the way I ask the question, my presence and my attentiveness to the answer has an impact on the other. Perhaps that might be a small nudge that creates a pause. A moment to think about what thoughts and beliefs the other person has that cascades into their own sculpted destiny.
So … How are you today?